Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic: Progression of Thoughts After Reading About Edible Deodorant

1. "Edible deodorant: WEIRD, GROSS, AND TOTALLY AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE!"

2. "Seriously, it sounds like something Fred and George would sell in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

3. "Then again, people who eat prodigious amounts of garlic do exude that from their pores, so I guess this could work?"

4. "Wait, so how many edible deodorant capsules do you have eat a day? An hour? What about people with fast metabolism? Does it make your shit not stink?"

5. "People's individual pH changes how things smell on them. My years of working at Crabtree & Evelyn taught me that rose lotion smells like vomit (true story) on my skin, so can I get edible deodorant in other flavors?"

6. "What about male flavors?"

7. "I don't want to think about male flavors."

8. "Could this solve the socially awkward problem of friends who don't think they need deodorant? Wrap it up in a pretty box and serve it as after dinner candy and bam! Sneak attack deodorant!"

9. "I really want to try it, run around the block in 99° heat, and then make my husband sniff my armpits and record his findings..."

10. "...and then film a commercial with Ethel Merman singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" as women in sleeveless dresses walk down city streets with roses blooming out of their armpits. (Call me, Schick.)"