Wednesday, September 18, 2013

GTA Or FLA? Are These Stories From A Video Game, Or Just Another Day In Florida?


Sorry, Florida. You're kinda weird.



Can you determine the difference between real-life stories out of the Sunshine State and those from the notoriously ridiculous world of the Grand Theft Auto video game series, which got a massive expansion this week with the release of GTA V?



The answers can be found below each question. We'll even start you off with an extremely easy one.





1. Man arrested after taking police cruiser on a joy ride just for the fun of it.







Answer: Both. In Florida, a man was recently arrested after taking a police car for a cruise because he "wanted to drive for a little bit." In GTA, this is basically the main thing you do.





2. Drunk man runs over girlfriend with car on her birthday.







Answer: In Florida, a man recently injured his girlfriend after drunkenly backing over her while celebrating her birthday. In GTA you can take dates to the bar and then drunkenly drive them home, of course leading to the possibility of running them over afterwards. That said, the game doesn't appear to incorporate birthdays, so Florida "wins" this one on a technicality.



3. Winnie-the-Pooh figure attacks man with a bat.







Answer: GTA. Here's proof.







In Florida, however, a man was arrested in 2007 for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants. That might be worse.



4. Man pisses on friends' couch and throws their TV out the window.



TK TK gifs



Answer: GTA. Though in Florida, a woman did urinate on her own couch before setting her apartment and much of the rest of the building on fire.





5. Customer pistol-whips donut shop employee over botched order.







Answer: That happened in Florida. Though this GTA character looks like he might have done the same if he could have found any employees.





6. Man attempts to fire bomb restaurant instead of paying for sandwich.







Answer: That's Florida, but kind of both. Here's a Woody character successfully burning down a food cart in GTA.









7. Woman upset with ex-husband tells random man she spends over $1k a month on vibrators. The random man eventually ends up killing her ex.







Answer: That's GTA, though dildo-related crime is not unusual in Florida.





8. Man dressed as Iron Man robs a bank.







Answer: You win again, Florida. In GTA IV, however, you can play as Iron Man or The Hulk with special mods.





9. Man fed up with mime punches him to the ground.







Answer: GTA takes the cake on this one.







In a crime that surprisingly didn't take place in Florida, however, a Georgia college student was attacked by a woman dressed like a mime earlier this year.





10. Man gives up on American Dream to live in Florida.







Answer: Both. We won't offend Floridians any further with a specific example, but here's the GTA character.





But Florida isn't like Grand Theft Auto in at least one way. Here's Florida-man David Archuleta performing a wonderful piano rendition of Vanessa Carlton's, "A Thousand Miles." Such a beautiful moment could only happen in Florida, right?









Oh wait.



1 comment:

  1. In GTA you can take dates to the bar and then drunkenly drive them home, of course leading to the possibility of running them over afterwards. That said, the game doesn't appear to incorporate birthdays, so Florida "wins" this one on a technicality.

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